please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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