flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
