We won't sleep together?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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