This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
