i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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