there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Still dying that you shit outside
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
