he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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