I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
