dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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