gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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