Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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