I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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