Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
