I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
