All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
