She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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