Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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