Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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