DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
