Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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