Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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