You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
