Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
