So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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