He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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