Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
