He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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