For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
