I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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