feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
