Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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