I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
