I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
