When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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