Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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