I cannot find my penis.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you traded sex for a burrito?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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