I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
