Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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