Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
