ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
