i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
