I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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