Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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