Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
