So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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