Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
