Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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