Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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