I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
