You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
