I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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